Probably not many of you have noticed but i became very silent for more than last two months, and probably no one of you realize how gigantic was the step i made today when I finally logged in.
At the mid of june I was commissioned with a FT fanart picture. I kept on drawing but i had exams and also i was in kind of art block, and nothing i did there was satisfying me. I kept on procrastinating, and time kept on passing. I was embarassed and scared that i am taking so long to finish one, not very complicated picture. Then i went onto our local convention, Animatsuri. I drew and talked to people and it was fun. it was at the beginning of july. but after that I couldnt force myself to go onto deviantart.
I kept telling myself "i will go there once i finish the picture" but i never did. My lack of motivation and my fear was so enormous that i completely abandoned drawing, art, and deviantart for past two months.
And it wouldn't be fair if i threw the excuse for that by saying that my best friend and partner Mrlimmyboi
visited me for 5 weeks and i kept on showing him the country and life here, and we were going out and visiting places, and then i went to his place for 2 weeks. Or that I had to study for my repeating exams.
No, it was all because i was scared and lazy. Because i had enough of free time to draw, but i couldn't do it.
And it was hovering above me for such a long time. And it all looks silly, but it was something big for me. Art was always inspiring me and i kept on looking through many galleries everyday and commenting on pictures and learning from tutorials tips and pictures everyday. It was bringing me happiness and i lost it all for such a long time.
But today's morning something kicked in my brain and i came back here, and explained myself. But i just want to say sorry because i am really embarrassed about all of this.
On animatsuri, i felt so much inspiration. i was just out from panel hosted by
and i felt so inspired by how they act towards artists. they dont see better or worse, they just see people, people who have creative ideas or not, and they made me change inside myself. In the night, when some of the tables were empty, there was that girl sitting there, as i later got to know was
with her drawings everywhere, and drawing all the time, and she had that little notice in the middle "I'm gathering money for going back home, anything helps" and her drawings were so gorgeous. She mostly drew furries and anthro, but my god, they were drawn in so many styles and medias. So i asked her to draw something for me, something sketchy and something she likes to draw a lot (e.g. i like to draw serious side views of my oc's and i know people have such things they keep on drawing all the time) and that i will be back to pick it up later. And my god it was amazing. She didnt draw it on regular white paper, but she took out this fancy square yellow paper from somewhere, and i just fell in love with the picture!
and i put it there messily, and it's left like that. why not.
I came back to my country at friday, after being on a wedding on thursday. My bf's brother was getting married and we went there. And there was that guest book. And no one wrote anything in it and it was late already. And i asked, hey can i write something in it? because its left and no one did anything, i wonder if its left for some special occassion later today. And so my bf went to ask his brother, the groom, about it, and he said that its very welcomed to write anything in the book! So yeah. i sat down, and despite being not known by anybody there, and not knowing anybody there aside from my bf and his parents and his brother, i took the pen, and you know what i did? of course i drew a picture. of the married couple. and i loved it.
drawing in the guest book made me feel so damn good. and i was so inspired. And my bf's little niece was so impressed by it and she kept on talking with me about drawing and what to do in order to draw good and how to improve and how to do this and that and we had a big big talk. And she was in age in which i was when i first took my pen and created my first oc, the time when i kept on finding hobby and i really did everything when it comes to art, but nothing kept me. Drawing did. And as far as i know, she is a bit the same, being creative and doing a lot of things related to art. Maybe drawing will keep her just like me!
that wedding was very inspiring. everything was beautifully decorated and organized. and the young couple looked so amazing. and i was really inspired.
And going back to this guestbook. I was embarassed for spamming the thing with my stuff, a person who shouldnt be first to write. But it came out everybody loved the picture and my bf's brother was extremely grateful that i saw this guestbook. It was just lying there and no one even bothered to do anything - probably no one noticed it being there, and there were chances it would stay empty. But because people saw me signing it, they kept on going there and signing it too. And as i know, the couple was really grateful. It makes me very happy. I did something good for once, I made their special wedding day that little bit better.
So, for now, i have 3 exams to pass and a project to finish and if i fail anything then i will have a problem
I'm sorry for everything if anyone was bothered and thank you for reading, because it means so much to me.