... But I stay in one place. Perhaps I'm even moving backwards.
Because it's so hard for me to accept changes.
One parent not being around anymore, and other parent getting new partner.
People at my age getting married.
Or friends I just was in high school with, just a few years ago, having a child. - Sure, I am still in the stage of being 'in school' because of university, and I feel like they are on the same level as me, even though they aren't from a long time. Always considered them as not responsible, even though they had job, and they were always the ones who were responsible.
Or the world going more and more tech.
Small kids having fancy phones. Alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex.
People spending their whole lives in front of PC, not seeing the world around.
So much information around us, that we forget about the most important things.
All these artists making accounts everywhere, being so known and connected to the community, while I just stay here.
Just going to facebook and seeing my friends having meetings with each other, having fun on the photos.
Or people trying to get different way of living, instead of just going to work and earn that money. Sometimes making stupid and unreasonable decisions.
But then I have no decision, I don't know where to go and what to do, and I can't imagine working full shift and having time for everything else. I just won't.
Everything feels fake and forced.
Everything that was so amazing in the past, long forgotten now.
My story, my characters I have so far, it was all so great to me, now feels like a bunch of mary-sues with boring undeveloped unreasonal story.
People either say they are nice (making me feel like they're just being nice) or throwing heavy judgement, telling me what they think is wrong. Making me realize more and more how stupid it all is.
And the hardest part in this is that everything I create which is connected with my OC's and my story, is going straight from my heart. They're made with part of my soul. I'm showing you part of my soul. And that part of my soul, part of my heart, part of my very own being and the reason who I am - it all turned out to be the most boring thing one could ever create.
And then I realize, with tears in my eyes, that this, this all, is the reason why I'm alone.
I stay in one place, without moving forward with everyone.
Thank you for reading.